Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
So vagazzling was a success
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
