Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
