saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
