evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Boobs are out for the taking
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
