I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
