1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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