Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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