i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
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this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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