idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
