This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
