my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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