why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.