Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
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