whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
