just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
