my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
