dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
