I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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