I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
