1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
