i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
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i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
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