she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
