i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
not ubering you a puppy
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
