there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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