Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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