you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
