we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
