The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize
