very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
