His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
