It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
