I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Randomize
