Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
