So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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