you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
