All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
