so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize