It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
