is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
