You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
