That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
