Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
