If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
