I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize