I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
