I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
