The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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