he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
