Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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