There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
