If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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