Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
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He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
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He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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