I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Randomize
