proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
She's the barista slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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