just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
