Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I've blown a few things in my day
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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