Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
