I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
