So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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