I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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