Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
