Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
