someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
